The House of Pain

[Mike Smith]

27th Friday May 2011. The House of Pain (relief).

Dear Narberth Riders,

Please allow me to share information on what was a very nice evening and also to thank you for loaning us your expert (Meaning of expert?) Kim Griff and her bag man Ian.

Friday evening we gathered as invited at the Tenby Bowling club to be confronted by Kim Griffiths, (Registered Osteopath, Valley Gate Clinic, Narberth) aka Yoda (all knowing all seeing). The aim of the evening was to be schooled on the art of muscle stretching and were instructed; via the forum to ensure that we were clad in clothes that allow you to take part in various activities on the floor! We duly gathered in the bar of the bowling club; in dribs and drabs at first, first on the scene, the family Roberts totally ignoring instructions, arriving in tight white slacks open neck blouse and a slinky pair of high heeled shoes; and that was just Steve, other started to arrive they too choosing to ignore dress protocol. It appeared that jeans and open neck blouses was the main choice with a smattering of shorts oh and Paula S aka Teachers Pet was correctly dressed in a fetching pair of training shoes, track suit, complimented by a Tenby Aces polo shirt; nimble and ready to dish out her skills in inflicting pain of a different sort!

Pints and Pimms in hand we retired to the anti room of the bowling club, set aside tables and chairs and watched in awe as Kim unfolded the tools of her wicked trade; the mobile massage table was on display and we waited with baited breath to find out the why’ and what for’ of the contraption. At first there was a great deal of merriment and laughter all at the expense of various members of the group all twelve were targetted at some stage or other; it reminded me of my unruly days in a class room at school. The laughter soon became subdued as those who were less prepared and informed about what was to occur soon realised that they did indeed have to participate in the activities. We were snapped in to order with the instruction “Pints down shoes off” a sense of maturity and trepidation settled over the gathered crowed. I should add that we were honoured by the presence of our recently newly elected President Mr Gareth Rees, he too was un-suitably clad for the evening but was sporting a pint. Sadly the Chairman was unable to attend as he was too busy playing with his balls on the lawn below?

On to the task in hand, it would be accurate to say that there were at least 13 experts present; in the art of stretching and manipulation all having various spheres of depths of knowledge (not) of what is good practice. Then Kim explained her motivation behind arranging the event. She said “ I was horrified to see what some were doing to stretch before and after turbo training” we all agreed; actually we all agreed that it was Jon Mills fault as it was down to him as instructor at those events to show us correctly what to do post event; he accepted the criticism graciously as always. Once we were under way it became clear that we were there to learn and achieve and we did take part in various action to assist in pre and post event preparation; to tune our bodies’ fibres to a point where they would not explode, rupture, crack, shrink or shy away from their intended purpose in creation; getting us through! I must add that this point that the spectre of immaturity re entered the fray. Most present were guilty at some stage of attempting to turn the event in to some sort of sordid peep show with free flowing humour and sexual innuendo but Kim maintained a sense of humour and professionalism; no choice really as her husband was part of the disruptive group. All in all though the series of exercises and supporting reading material was of huge benefit to most if not all present.

You might recall I mentioned the folding table at the beginning. Well we were soon to learn the reason as to why it was brought along. As you all know Jon M is fiscally astute and never slow to miss a marketing opportunity. He cleverly persuaded Kim to demonstrate a sports massage and he was going to be the mannequin for the night, I use the word mannequin to describe Jon as he did resemble that pale translucent clammy dummy used as a prop; we did laugh, which we should not have, but the event had taken place outside then he would have been in great danger of being scooped up be a passing seagull or refuse collector! Anyway Kim put a smile on the faces of all present by inflicting copious amounts of unnecessary(necessary) pain on our Jon who was well enough to relate the story of his grad parents, the blitz, falls teeth and pork pies; ask him your self if you want to know more.

All in all it was a very good evening availed by a suitable number of Ace club members; I understand that Kim will be giving a similar demo to our friends in Narberth and there could be an open invite? Sadly I learnt little during the night and so decide to turn to my friends Dave, Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich who had this advice to those who did not understand Kim:

Bend it, bend it, just a little bit

And take it easy, show you’re likin’ it

And lover, you know that we’re gonna hit

The heights ‘cos I’m sure that we’re made to fit

Together just like pieces of a

Jigsaw puzzle, what’s the hustle.

Etc etc

Pictures to support soon!!!!!!!!!!!!! And we would ask the press officer not to edit images to save his own face!

[Author]

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